Pigeon Forge Unveils New Sitting in Traffic Attraction
Visitors to Pigeon Forge who enjoy the dazzle of Dollywood, the Dixie Stampede, the Titanic Museum Attraction and other exciting hotbeds of sightseeing will soon be lining up for the tourist resort city's latest. This summer Pigeon Forge will reveal its thrilling new Sitting in Traffic attraction, the first of its kind in the United States.
The new coaster's innovative design will allow riders to experience the murderous rage of sitting in one's car while breathing copious amounts of carbon dioxide and honking one's horn to no avail while small children scream in the backseat and throw their toy dinosaurs while begging for ice cream.
Riders will also enjoy the coaster's patented "the other lane looks faster so I think I'll get over" feature, a cutting edge piece of technology designed to lure passengers into the slow lane.
"Sitting in Traffic is a feast for the senses," said Jason Loveday, who owns and operates the attraction. "Riders will sit in their own vehicles as their sweaty underpants cling uncomfortably to their skin. They will experience the wonder of the looming presence of the need for a bathroom. They'll marvel at the crisp sun beating down on them and radiating off the concrete. They'll gasp as people cut them off and as the bass of the music on a nearby car causes their fillings to vibrate in their very mouths."
Perched on the Pigeon Forge Parkway, Sitting in Traffic stretches for miles of bumper to bumper drudgery. Riders experience the sensation of the very torments of hell itself as they zip past commercial eyesore after commercial eyesore at top speeds of one mile per day.
"Sitting in Traffic is a welcome addition to Pigeon Forge's world class lineup of shopping, restaurants and family-oriented fun," said Loveday. "From outlet malls and indoor skydiving to seething anger over the idiotic bumper sticker that fool of a woman who should learn to use her turn signal has, this great city has something for everyone."
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