Note: My comments and opinions are based on living with three of our grand children on a daily basis and my prospective may be different on a lot of things. It is a whole other story when you see them only occasionally. Been there, done that too.
10. What You Can Buy Them
All you want to do is buy a gift for your grandchild.
Okay, maybe you want to spoil them a little, but what's wrong with that? Plenty,
if parents routinely ignore the presents you bring the kids, or return them — or
if they dictate what you can buy and how much you can spend as if you were just
another guest at the party.
This can be a little tricky. It is very easy to overdue this and then it doesn't seem 'special' anymore. Also, when I buy a gift for a grandchild, I like to include getting something for the siblings. However, I don't believe in giving a gift to other siblings when celebrating their sibling's birthday. Birthdays should be special. However, when out shopping and I purchase a book for one, I will buy one for the other. As for dictating to what I can buy and spend, I do ask the mother's opinion because sometimes they have a better insight and their suggestions are always welcome. When the grandchildren start to take gifts for granted or expect them, it will stop; I feel that's my prerogative as a grandparent.
This can be a little tricky. It is very easy to overdue this and then it doesn't seem 'special' anymore. Also, when I buy a gift for a grandchild, I like to include getting something for the siblings. However, I don't believe in giving a gift to other siblings when celebrating their sibling's birthday. Birthdays should be special. However, when out shopping and I purchase a book for one, I will buy one for the other. As for dictating to what I can buy and spend, I do ask the mother's opinion because sometimes they have a better insight and their suggestions are always welcome. When the grandchildren start to take gifts for granted or expect them, it will stop; I feel that's my prerogative as a grandparent.
9. Religion
Religiously-mixed marriages, and how the kids will be
raised, is one thing. But what about when parents and grandparents share a
religion, but parents are less devout than grandparents, or, equally as tricky,
when they raise kids who are more observant?
As for religion, I feel that it is totally up to the parents of my grandchildren to decide in what religion their children should be raised. Our daughters were brought up Catholic and went to a Catholic grade school. But as adults and parents of their own children now, it's there choice. However, I have one major problem and one request that has not been fulfilled for my peace of mind. Get them BAPTIZED! I don't care if it's Catholic, Lutheran, or even Baptist; just do it. I don't like to think about their little souls being stuck in purgatory for ever and ever. (Can you tell I was brought up a strict Catholic?)
8. The Baby's Name
Before the baby arrives, grandparents can campaign
feverishly for a name they know will be proper and fitting. Afterward, the name
chosen by the parents sticks, even if it's the same name as a relative you hate
or just a
completely ridiculous choice, and the resentment can linger.
I believe that if grandparents have a lingering problem with the names given to their grandchildren, get over it! When our first grandchild was born (a girl), it was her daddy's choice that she should be named Trinity. OMG! I thought....where the heck was he coming from? I hated the name. I was not a happy camper...I mean, it was our first grandchild. I was happy, however, with the fact that her middle name was a combination of both of our daughters' middle names; LeeAnne....but Trinity? Well, Trinity is now 9 years-old and I absolutely adore her name! Enough said.
7. Money
Whether it's parents and grand kids who need to learn
the value
of money, or one of the other money
issues families never talk about, disputes about finances can lead to a
jackpot of bitterness.
This can be a touchy one. I think the grand kids need to know the value of money and also, that they just can't have whatever they want. I do not hesitate to voice my opinion to the kids if I think something is too expensive. And I have been known to go on a lecture on how hard their mother and/or father works for that money. As for us telling our kids how they are spending their money, that's a different story. I will admit my eyes have rolled a few times on some purchases they have made that I though were not necessary or too extravagant. But, you know.....they are adults and if they want to run themselves into debt, who are we to say anything? It's their problem, not ours. I prefer to stay out of it. We can only hope that they don't and they teach THEIR kids a healthy respect for money.
This can be a touchy one. I think the grand kids need to know the value of money and also, that they just can't have whatever they want. I do not hesitate to voice my opinion to the kids if I think something is too expensive. And I have been known to go on a lecture on how hard their mother and/or father works for that money. As for us telling our kids how they are spending their money, that's a different story. I will admit my eyes have rolled a few times on some purchases they have made that I though were not necessary or too extravagant. But, you know.....they are adults and if they want to run themselves into debt, who are we to say anything? It's their problem, not ours. I prefer to stay out of it. We can only hope that they don't and they teach THEIR kids a healthy respect for money.
6. Babysitting Instructions
They know you've done this before, right? When
grandparents come over to babysit and parents welcome them with pages of babysitting
basics, there's bound to be anger. Who's
in charge here? That's the eternal question.
I raised two kids; and do not want to raise any more. When I would be asked to babysit for an extended period of time (at their homes), I insisted on a list. I consider it more of a 'blueprint' and not a 'do and don't' list. I find it helpful to know what the kids like as in eating, playing, dressing, keeping them on their schedule; anything to keep it 'normal' for the little darlings. Think about this for a moment....you walk in, their parents walk out, their little lives are turned upside down. Its not a good time to push your way of life on them. Relax! Just go with the flow. Now, if they are at our house for say a weekend or so, that's a different story. Ice cream for breakfast? It's been done...hey, it's dairy and one of the major food groups, besides.....What goes on at Grandma's, STAYS at Grandma's!
I raised two kids; and do not want to raise any more. When I would be asked to babysit for an extended period of time (at their homes), I insisted on a list. I consider it more of a 'blueprint' and not a 'do and don't' list. I find it helpful to know what the kids like as in eating, playing, dressing, keeping them on their schedule; anything to keep it 'normal' for the little darlings. Think about this for a moment....you walk in, their parents walk out, their little lives are turned upside down. Its not a good time to push your way of life on them. Relax! Just go with the flow. Now, if they are at our house for say a weekend or so, that's a different story. Ice cream for breakfast? It's been done...hey, it's dairy and one of the major food groups, besides.....What goes on at Grandma's, STAYS at Grandma's!
5. Discipline
When it comes to making kids fall in line, today's
parents just don't
do it like you did. Nothing annoys grandparents more than watching their
grand kids walk all over their parents, unless it's hearing the parents endlessly
scream at their precious angels.
This is sooooooo true on both counts. And, it is very hard to keep your mouth closed when you see this happening. We brought our girls up to respect all elders and they NEVER talked back to us....at least until they got into high school. Living with three of our grandchildren, it does not sit well with Grandpa and I when Trinity (9) and Madison (8) walk all over their mom, don't listen to their mom or get an attitude with their mom. Actually, it irritates me more when they do it to her than to us. Their mother has a full plate with working full time, running all over dropping kids off at school, day care, daddy's houses, Boys and Girls Club. Then there's making sure the kids get their homework done and be ready for school the next day. If anything, Shelly doesn't yell enough!! I will step in when I think they need to be brought down a notch and a wake-up call and I do not apologize for doing it. They'll live!
This is sooooooo true on both counts. And, it is very hard to keep your mouth closed when you see this happening. We brought our girls up to respect all elders and they NEVER talked back to us....at least until they got into high school. Living with three of our grandchildren, it does not sit well with Grandpa and I when Trinity (9) and Madison (8) walk all over their mom, don't listen to their mom or get an attitude with their mom. Actually, it irritates me more when they do it to her than to us. Their mother has a full plate with working full time, running all over dropping kids off at school, day care, daddy's houses, Boys and Girls Club. Then there's making sure the kids get their homework done and be ready for school the next day. If anything, Shelly doesn't yell enough!! I will step in when I think they need to be brought down a notch and a wake-up call and I do not apologize for doing it. They'll live!
4. The Holidays
Christmas comes but once a year, and so does this
perennial familial dispute: Which side of the family will the kids see on the
holidays? It's a dilemma for parents, to be sure, but also a source of hurt
feelings for the grandparents who always seem to be left out. Learn
how to avoid the six things that can ruin your holiday.
We've never had this problem of being left out for holidays. And, the holiday schedule we have is very flexible....it has to be; we are working with two daddy's with alternating holiday visitation. The biggest problem is having one daughter and two of our grandchildren living in Wisconsin. We want to maybe alternate and get to Wisconsin at least every other year for Christmas but with the winter weather, it might be tough. For years we didn't see Shelly and the girls at Christmas and it just might switch now that we are living in Tennessee. We'll have to see how it goes. I still think of those Christmas mornings in Madison with John and Isabelle. There's no getting around it....it's hard.
We've never had this problem of being left out for holidays. And, the holiday schedule we have is very flexible....it has to be; we are working with two daddy's with alternating holiday visitation. The biggest problem is having one daughter and two of our grandchildren living in Wisconsin. We want to maybe alternate and get to Wisconsin at least every other year for Christmas but with the winter weather, it might be tough. For years we didn't see Shelly and the girls at Christmas and it just might switch now that we are living in Tennessee. We'll have to see how it goes. I still think of those Christmas mornings in Madison with John and Isabelle. There's no getting around it....it's hard.
3. What The Kids Eat
When grandparents toss and turn at night about whether
to speak up about things they see going wrong at their grandkids' house, few
issues rankle as much as what parents are feeding them. Too many snacks, too few
vegetables, too much caving in to the separate dinner demands of multiple kids,
or nonexistent table manners — it amounts to a full menu of issues to fight
about.
Oh, this is a great one. I will admit that I don't like the way our grandchildren eat. But, there really is not much I can do about it. They were raised to eat a certain way and it's hard to change it now. We try to have two family meals a week and I like to make something I know the girls like. We all sit around the table, say grace and each tell what we did that day. They have learned to sit up straight, asked to be excused and carry their plates into the kitchen. They have also learned that if they don't clean their plates, there is no dessert later. They have come a long way. The rest of the week everyone is on their own as far as meals go. But, it's ok. It's just not what they are putting into their mouths that matters, it's the lesson in manners they get along with it.
Oh, this is a great one. I will admit that I don't like the way our grandchildren eat. But, there really is not much I can do about it. They were raised to eat a certain way and it's hard to change it now. We try to have two family meals a week and I like to make something I know the girls like. We all sit around the table, say grace and each tell what we did that day. They have learned to sit up straight, asked to be excused and carry their plates into the kitchen. They have also learned that if they don't clean their plates, there is no dessert later. They have come a long way. The rest of the week everyone is on their own as far as meals go. But, it's ok. It's just not what they are putting into their mouths that matters, it's the lesson in manners they get along with it.
2. The Other Grandparents
A grandparent's relationship with his or her
grandchildren is a relationship that has to be shared with a whole other set of
grandparents, or two, or three, all of whom believe they have an equally valid
claim on the kids' love and playtime. It takes a lot of effort to resist your
competitive urges, especially when you're convinced that you're the
grandparent who's always being left out.
I believe that the grand kids should see all their grandparents and grandparents should work together to make sure this happens. I don't find myself being competitive with the other grandparents since I see them so infrequently. The most important thing to remember is that it's important to the children to be able to bond with all of them.
1. When Families Break Up
I believe that the grand kids should see all their grandparents and grandparents should work together to make sure this happens. I don't find myself being competitive with the other grandparents since I see them so infrequently. The most important thing to remember is that it's important to the children to be able to bond with all of them.
1. When Families Break Up
Most of the other issues on this list can be
resolved, or at least put aside to keep the focus on having fun with the kids,
but sometimes, for whatever reason, families break apart, and grandparents
become estranged from their grandchildren. When this happens, you can seek
advice, whether from a family therapist, a
legal expert, or a
fellow grandparent who's been through it.
I can see where this would be hard but bottom line.....grandparents should be allowed to see their grandchildren no matter what else is going on in the family. I would fight this tooth and nail if I was ever not allowed to see mine. I've learned that 'mommy claws' are NOTHING compared to 'grandma claws'!
We make an effort to stay in touch with John and Isabelle in Madison at least once a week via Skipe. When we first moved down here, it took months for John to talk to us again. He felt abandoned and he thought that because we lived so far away, he couldn't talk to us. It broke my heart because he was actually angry with us. We have worked through it and it really helped when their family came to visit in July for a week.
Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did especially if you are a grandparent!
I can see where this would be hard but bottom line.....grandparents should be allowed to see their grandchildren no matter what else is going on in the family. I would fight this tooth and nail if I was ever not allowed to see mine. I've learned that 'mommy claws' are NOTHING compared to 'grandma claws'!
We make an effort to stay in touch with John and Isabelle in Madison at least once a week via Skipe. When we first moved down here, it took months for John to talk to us again. He felt abandoned and he thought that because we lived so far away, he couldn't talk to us. It broke my heart because he was actually angry with us. We have worked through it and it really helped when their family came to visit in July for a week.
Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did especially if you are a grandparent!
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